Thursday, February 5, 2009

The after life?

As I lay in bed this morning right before the alarm was making it's racket... I pondered death. I pondered what will happen in the great big beyond. And it scared me. I have to say it always has. I'm afraid of what I don't know, although I try to convince myself that it can't be any worse than dreaming, because I tell you what I have always had some pretty messed up dreams. But what scares me most about dying is the thought that suddenly all my secrets will be revealed, and every one will laugh or be really mad at me. Then there's the idea that I will have to look those I've wronged straight in the eye, with them knowing what I did. Or even worse they'll know every lie, every mistake, every exaggeration. It's not that I'm a huge bad person, but I do think I've hurt a heart a time or two, I think I've lied a time or two, and I know that I have wronged someone a long the way. I've been angry without justification, I've forgotten to look at things from the other side, and selfish, I've been downright selfish. Will it be like the FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN, will I have to meet up with the people I've somehow affected. Will it be a happy meeting, or will I be left with bits and pieces to fix because I've done something along the way that altered someone elses life and wasn't even aware of it. What can I do now to make it all better... you know before that fateful day comes. And then I thought another thought... will there be chocolate, and enchiladas, and ice cream?

4 comments:

Pen-nut said...

We may have to meet up with people we have wronged, but I know that you will also meet up with people whose lives you have affected in a postive way, and there will be way more of them then you think!!

Michelle said...

Did you go to church on Sunday? Did you take the Sacrament? Then, you were just baptized clean again, and no, you won't have to have every wrong revealed because those that are repented of and washed through the atonement are gone. Gone. Buck up. None of us are perfect, and Alma says that the righteous will have a perfect remembrance of their righteousness, something we don't have now.

Amie said...

I think that's what the atonement and repentance is all about...being able to wipe our slate clean and not have to worry (as much) about all the things we've done wrong.

lvh said...

And on the other hand, those people whom you have wronged will know that they need to forgive you completely and love you faults and all. I can remember years and years ago on high council Sunday, the speaker got up and the first thing he said was "You won't be in Heaven with anyone you don't like." My first thought was "woo hoo" Then my bubble burst as my second thought was "oh, yeah, that's cause if I don't love everyone, I won't be there anyway".

So, don't beat up on yourself. Live the best you can at the moment and if you make mistakes (like we all do) then you're human and thank heavens for the atonement.