Thursday, February 5, 2009
The after life?
As I lay in bed this morning right before the alarm was making it's racket... I pondered death. I pondered what will happen in the great big beyond. And it scared me. I have to say it always has. I'm afraid of what I don't know, although I try to convince myself that it can't be any worse than dreaming, because I tell you what I have always had some pretty messed up dreams. But what scares me most about dying is the thought that suddenly all my secrets will be revealed, and every one will laugh or be really mad at me. Then there's the idea that I will have to look those I've wronged straight in the eye, with them knowing what I did. Or even worse they'll know every lie, every mistake, every exaggeration. It's not that I'm a huge bad person, but I do think I've hurt a heart a time or two, I think I've lied a time or two, and I know that I have wronged someone a long the way. I've been angry without justification, I've forgotten to look at things from the other side, and selfish, I've been downright selfish. Will it be like the FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN, will I have to meet up with the people I've somehow affected. Will it be a happy meeting, or will I be left with bits and pieces to fix because I've done something along the way that altered someone elses life and wasn't even aware of it. What can I do now to make it all better... you know before that fateful day comes. And then I thought another thought... will there be chocolate, and enchiladas, and ice cream?