Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Life is full of changes... Oh so many changes.  I have gotten used to the constant changes being the norm around here.  When you have grown kids, teenage kids, and a toddler, life is busy, exciting, and exhausting.  I'm really not sure what to expect next.  But I look ahead with positivity, because it's all good stuff?  I can do this!

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

I had an emotional moment or two today while addressing wedding invites.  It's hard to believe that in 52 days I'll be a mother in law.  It's harder to believe my son will be married.  The last 7 years of his life haven't always been easy.  Many a night I spent pleading with God to protect him mostly from himself.  Many a night I spent pleading with God that he could find his way, that he could see his own worth, that he could find people in his life that could build him up, love him for exactly the person he is.  And then came this girl.  This girl that laughs at his crazy antics, this girl who is patient and kind, who makes him better, who brings out the very best in him.  I love this girl for that.  I truly believe she is an answer to my pleadings.
But the a hurt in my heart reminds me this is the end of being the most important woman in my boys life.  Gone are the days of my opinion being the most important opinion.  Goodbye to my little boy.  I know he will always be my Son, but now I'm the second lady in his life.  And I'm ok with that.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Another summer is dwindling down.  I wish I could hold on to it a little longer.  This is the last year of school for Kynzie.   She grew up way to fast.  And I'm not sure I'm ready for her to be a senior.  It really doesn't matter if I'm ready, it's going to happen regardless of how I feel.
So many changes all the time.  So much to get used to and have feelings about.  The constant rotating door of life.  I miss my grown kids being little, but yet I love the adults they have become/are becoming.  Someday all of the changes wear on me.  Some days I just want to pause and hold on to my kids a little longer.  But I can't... So I just try to enjoy the moments we are in.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

2016 is starting off in a big way... A few days ago I felt so happy and excited because I see this year as being full of great happy things.  I can't believe my 1st baby boy is getting married.  I'm so happy he found someone that loves him for exactly the person he is.  I'm so grateful for this.  And yet it also makes me a little sad, because there is this person in his life that now is his everything.  And I'm just some side character.  I know it's the way it's suppose to be, and she's a real sweetie!  It's just a strange transition.  Another milestone in being a parent.  You give your kids your whole life, so they can be the perfect person for someone else.  Kind of bittersweet.
I'm very proud of the Man he has become.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

I have feelings! I'm a person and I have feelings!
That's all!

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Sunday's are a crazy day for a Mom of a toddler.  I love every minute at home with my little girl.  I love watching her run around the house, testing limits, exploring her world. I love watching her learn. I love listening to her nonstop babble and squeals of joy.  I love that at nap time she lays in her bed and takes a nap. But on Sunday's all of these things that I love become horrible.  It's hard to keep her trapped in between two pews.  Her babbling and squeals become extremely loud during prayers.  She runs down the hall like a crazed jackrabbit running from a trucks headlights. I don't know the last time I got to sit through my meetings.  But this Sunday I tried my hardest to be patient and just let her be. I figured if she annoyed other members of the congregation they would get over it.  As I sat in Sunday school with mostly older folks, she ran large laps around the whole group.  After class an older man came and told me she is the sweetest girl he's ever seen.
Then in Relief Society (a class with only women) she went and sat on a ladies lap and played with her bracelets for a good part of the meeting.  It was such a relief to be able to attend my classes without feeling overwhelmed by my spirited toddler.  I'm so grateful for the kind hearted and truly Christlike people I go to church with.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

I miss blogging.  Probably because it gave me a place to vent all of my frustrations.  I still get frustrated, I have by no means gained perfection.  I probably need this now more than I ever did.  It's been a rough couple of years for me.  I have had super lows and highs.  The best of times and the worst of times.  One of the hardest things is feeling like I don't have anyone outside of family to vent to without feeling like I've over stayed my welcome.
I've lived in this town for a few years now, and don't get me wrong I have some good buddies here, people that I enjoy spending time with.  But I haven't really found anyone that seems to care whether I'm around or not.  No one that thinks to invite me along, or acts like they miss me when I'm not around.  I do realize I'm a special case.  The people my age are not raising a small child.  And the people that are raising small children are generally in a different place in thier lives and we don't have much else in common.  It puts me in a strange category of people.  It's ok.  I have lots of things to do with my family, but every once in awhile it would be nice to feel included.  I try to just remember I'm 40 now and that stuff shouldn't matter so much.
Another frustration... I'm 40!!! How did that happen?  Crazy, right?  I don't look a day over 35?
Haha!  But I feel it!  I feel it when I run and my knees hurt.  I feel it when I look in the mirror and see more wrinkles than I did before or more gray hair is sprouting up.  I feel it when I realize I have 2 grown sons.  So sad!
But having a 1 year old makes me feel young, all that 40 stuff melts away.  She is so awesome, and then I feel bad because I wonder what life will be like for her being the only little.  Never having another little to play with.  Never fighting over toys.  Or giggling on Christmas Eve all night waiting for Santa, not being able to sleep.  Will she feel cheated?  She's kind of like an only child with lots of live in babysitters.  How will it be for her?  Should we have one more just so she's not alone?  But then I say,  I'm 40!
So much going on I can't even write about it all on one post... I may start posting again.