Thursday, February 5, 2009

So I'm sitting here realizing what a goober I am...

So maybe everything in my little (crazy AZ brain, as Alex's Human would say) should not be shared with the world. Just so you all know I don't often ponder death, well maybe I do, but maybe I shouldn't share that either. I have a huge amount of undesignated time on my hands at the moment, and quite honestly I am having a very hard dealing with it. I try to stay occupied, but pretty soon I'm laying around... literally laying around thinking... and it's all I can do to try to stay on the positive track. I think about my wasted time, I think about having no goals, I think about all the people I ache for, and all the people I have forgotten over the years. I think of the all the craziness that's happened for the the last year. I think of people that have died this last year. I think of the bird flu (thanks pen-nut). I think about my kids, and their adjusting to this place. I think about movies, and books, and music. I think about facebook. I think about running (not because I do run, but because I think it would be cool if I did). I think about what other people think about me. I think about my childhood. I think about things I wished I'd do different or the same. I think about.... I think about every thing a person could think about. And I especially think of what a goober I am for not having any aspiration to be any different than I am right now, even though most days my heart aches for so much more, if only my heart would vocalize what it aches for, because my brains having a super hard time trying to figure it all out. So that's that, now you know!


Michelle said...

Goober is better than a booger. ;)

Alex's Human said...

Sometimes I look around and think about all the things I don't have (different job, finished projects, more/better stuff, desire to accomplish more in life) and wonder why I don't feel the need to have more.. But is that wrong?

I think it's ok to not always have aspirations for more.. Sometimes you just have to apprectiate that you can find contentment in what you have..

And as for what this person thinks of you, I love your crazy AZ, tweeting self..

BTW; didn't you say this morning that you couldn't think? Seems to me you've been doing a lot of it since then :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you share what you're thinking. It's very real and it helps me to know I'm not the only one. I just got back from my uncle's funeral and it has really put me in a pondering mood. So, I guess I'm saying that I don't think you're a goober for sharing.