Thursday, January 7, 2016

I miss blogging.  Probably because it gave me a place to vent all of my frustrations.  I still get frustrated, I have by no means gained perfection.  I probably need this now more than I ever did.  It's been a rough couple of years for me.  I have had super lows and highs.  The best of times and the worst of times.  One of the hardest things is feeling like I don't have anyone outside of family to vent to without feeling like I've over stayed my welcome.
I've lived in this town for a few years now, and don't get me wrong I have some good buddies here, people that I enjoy spending time with.  But I haven't really found anyone that seems to care whether I'm around or not.  No one that thinks to invite me along, or acts like they miss me when I'm not around.  I do realize I'm a special case.  The people my age are not raising a small child.  And the people that are raising small children are generally in a different place in thier lives and we don't have much else in common.  It puts me in a strange category of people.  It's ok.  I have lots of things to do with my family, but every once in awhile it would be nice to feel included.  I try to just remember I'm 40 now and that stuff shouldn't matter so much.
Another frustration... I'm 40!!! How did that happen?  Crazy, right?  I don't look a day over 35?
Haha!  But I feel it!  I feel it when I run and my knees hurt.  I feel it when I look in the mirror and see more wrinkles than I did before or more gray hair is sprouting up.  I feel it when I realize I have 2 grown sons.  So sad!
But having a 1 year old makes me feel young, all that 40 stuff melts away.  She is so awesome, and then I feel bad because I wonder what life will be like for her being the only little.  Never having another little to play with.  Never fighting over toys.  Or giggling on Christmas Eve all night waiting for Santa, not being able to sleep.  Will she feel cheated?  She's kind of like an only child with lots of live in babysitters.  How will it be for her?  Should we have one more just so she's not alone?  But then I say,  I'm 40!
So much going on I can't even write about it all on one post... I may start posting again.

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