Friday, March 20, 2009
3 months in.
Some days I'm so in the groove. I get the kids to school, the route is now tattooed into my brain. I do the chores I have to do, or don't. I waste huge lots of time on the computer. I make dinner. I get groceries at the local Safeway. I check the mail. It's all becoming some what routine, slightly familiar. But as I drive around town, as I check the mail, as I grocery shop... I feel as if I'm going slightly insane, desperate to make some connection to someone, anyone. I see the faces of familiarity in the passing cars... hey look it's Sue Tooley (not a native to this town, but rather someone that I passed frequently in Big Twig). Or hey it's Mr. Aveys truck. I see these people, people from home, like ghosts from beyond... it's almost creepy, except none of the ghosts I see are actually dead. I was suppose to go to the Relief Society Party last night, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, because even though I really and truly want to make friends, I was so afraid of walking in and finally coming to the realization that I'm not there anymore, I'm here. Don't get me wrong the people here seem very pleasant.... I haven't gotten out there yet, my feet are not getting wet... they are dry as the sands of Death Valley. I'm not ready to let go of the last 10 years... I'm not ready to move on.