If I hadn't avoided doing bills all day yesterday.... maybe today would of been a better day. But instead I woke up and made myself deal with the big fat money issues. When we had the job loss and stuff I thought to myself and possibly thought out loud... it's okay because no matter how bad it gets it can't get that bad... we won't have to live in a card board box... they won't take the kids away... we'll have food and electricity... and clothes on our backs. We have the important stuff right? Well now that there's money coming in... and for whatever crazy reason a change of guard so to speak has taken place (I'm handling the money for the first time in 9 years)... it's hard. Harder than "it's okay they won't take the kids" because even though I know that we can pay for the necessities, I feel like I'm suppose to fix the unfixable mess we're in, and if I don't I'll be to blame. I feel like screaming, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? But I don't because... it's not any ones fault, and it's not something that being stressed out about will help... it just is what it is, and I will do what I am capable of doing. And that will have to be good enough.
I won the fish bet... poor little Machaca left this earth this morning to live in that big fishbowl in the sky. But the other 4 fish are looking fantastic, so hopefully we'll have at least one that lives longer than a few days.