Monday, September 8, 2014

Here at a year!

It's a strange feeling.  
Last year at this time, I was headed down to Queen Creek.  I was going to spend time with my mom, to hold her hand, to say goodbye.  It was one of the hardest weeks of my life, and yet I wouldn't of been anywhere else.  Nothing was more important than that week spent with her, my dad, and my siblings.  I look back a year later, and I'm so grateful for that time I got to spend with them all.  I still ache from the loss of my mom, I see older ladies with their middle age daughters and feel robbed of at least 20 more years I should of got to spend with her.  I miss going antiquing, or making craftiness, talking on the phone.  I miss her advice, the nonjudgmental way she talked to me, her toughen up attitude.  I miss her unconditional love that she had for even my most difficult children.  It's been a rough year of adjustments and changes without her here.  
Now here in this week, a year later, I sit and wait.  I wait for another life change, but on the complete opposite side of the cycle.  I anticipate the birth of my baby.  I think about the blessing she will be in our lives, the joy just knowing she is coming has brought me.  I think about the time she got to spend with my mom on the other side, and what that must have been like.  This week I wait for new life, a brand new person to share my life with.  All the new memories that we will have.  Someone else to fill my heart. 
Even though I have a hurt in my heart, so close to the anniversary of my mom leaving this earthly home.  I also have a healing, looking forward to welcoming our new little blessing.


Alex's Human said...

It's hard to believe it's been a year, and such a difficult year it has been... At the same time, I can hardly wait for you to post pictures of the new kid!... Wishing you all the best on this new adventure, cuz! No doubt, it will be more than special... Hugs and love to you!!!!

Amie said...

Sweet...bittersweet of course. You're being watched over, my friend.