Tuesday, June 14, 2011

One Day More

I had a lot on my mind, but when I just got done reading my sisters blog most of it left my mind. There has been so much going on in my family, and in my community, and in my head. So you know what, here it is I'm going to lay it all out there in hopes to clear some of it out of my thoughts:
I hate doing bills, because for the last two years we have had no extra money and although at the moment we have this super opportunity to live rent free, I live with this constant nagging feeling that we never have enough. I need to let this go, learn how to save, learn how to relax a little bit.
I once again was confused... well I'm often confused, but about the meaning of a questionnaire. A month or more ago I was asked on a OB/GYN a question about whether I was a planned baby or not, I neglected to ever ask the office why that was important. But last week as I was sitting at a probation meeting for my eldest child.... a story saved for a better day... or never... anyway one of the questions the lady asked me was if He was planned. Well Crap, is this some sort of study I'm unaware of ( the effects of not being planned????) That must be where his problems stem from. I answered "No, But loved every minute." So weird! Its bothered me ever since, honestly can I see a raise of hands out there, how many of you have only planned children.... yep just what I thought.
Speaking of children for the second time in the last couple of months I had a dream about Kenneth getting his vasectomy reversed. So I wake up thinking "what the HECK?" So Sunday morning I told him about my dream to which he replied, "You know I would if you wanted me to." I honestly don't even know what to think about that one. I have always had so many emotions about not having any more babies, and I would of kept having babies just to have babies, like a hoarder with 27 cats, but now that I see what it's like to raise the babies when they are not so little anymore.... well I just don't know. And chances are Kenneth just said that because he knew that I probably wouldn't take him up on the offer.
I have had Les Miserables songs stuck in my head in an eery sick way since Saturday. It was good don't get me wrong, but parts of it left me feel a bit haunted.
Kynzie is off to church girls camp, I have such a hard time letting her go. Once again it brings up feelings of my own church camp experiences, so I just hope she has a good time, with good memories to show for it. She is much braver than I could ever be because she went with our new branch (very small group of the LDS church) There is only 3 other young women from our branch, and they are all much older than her. Hopefully she has a great time.
I guess that's that. I'm sure I could go on for days, but I will limit myself.


Amie said...

I'm one of those few who not only never has had any miscarriages but also has only had planned babies. I was just lucky that way--we never struggled, we never lost any, etc etc. I know that's not really what you're referring to, but I thought I'd drop in my 2 cents. Tiffers with another possible baby...hmmm!!? Give it a lil' prayer and keep us up to date on the details. Juicy or not. :p Lastly, re Les Mis: ME TOO! Not only did I see it last week but my kiddo has since fallen in love with it, so we listened to the whole broadway recording the last few nights and now he and I have both been playing it nonstop on the piano. Haunting, sad tale (kiddo cried at certain parts) but I do love it. Such talent out there.

leaner said...

I have 1 unplanned and 2 planned babies. My parents had all planned, sort of. They knew they'd have us all just weren't sure when. And Phplt Amie. No miscarriages... lucky you.

I hate paying bills, too. It feels miserable.

And as for girls' camp, I am sure she will have a great time! I loved it, but had an awesome group of girls that I went with. I look forward to Rhayn being old enough to go (2 more years!) Hopefully we're in an area at that time with a few active girls who are friendly to her.