Monday, December 28, 2009
I work with girls age 12-18 at church. Yesterday I asked the Laurels (age16-18) where they see themselves in 5 years. They eagerly answered me all wide eyed with their expectations of life. I was glad to hear they all had goals, they could defiantly obtain in 5 years. I tried to picture myself at that age... what were my goals? It dawned on me that my lack of goals is probably what lead me to the outcome of my life. I will say that 80% of my life is great. I've made some definite good choices. I have 4 of the best choices ever calling me mom! And although I try not to pressure myself to feel bad about the 20% that doesn't quite work the way it should, sometimes it weighs heavy on my mind. Sometimes that 20% seems like way to much to endure, and it starts to take over everything else, I let it consume me. And although I'm very very talented at going through the emotions of ordinary picture perfect existence, the insides of me are in constant battle. I get lost in thought, in dreams, in a life that isn't and never will be mine.