Too Much Information!

So today I saw my insides, but let me start at the beginning. One week ago, today in fact, I woke up feeling pretty crappy... seriously just like that, and ever since I have had the worst stomach pains I can ever remember short of child birth. I felt bloaty and yucky and sure that I was coming down with some kind of bug... but nothing ever came of it except this horrible pain, that seemed to get worse with movement or eating. I'd like to say that the pain kept me from eating, but it did not, you can ask my husband, who kept saying "I thought you said that eating made it worse, then why do you keep eating" I guess shock therapy wouldn't work for me either. So after surviving through the 4th weekend and several ball-games, and my 3/4 birthday, I finally decided enough is enough- I finally made an appointment for the Dr. Did I ever mention the uncomfortable anxiety I feel when strangers touch me... Doctors are no picnic for me, and I don't even remember the last time I went to one. But anyway I went.
He was a nice enough Dr. and surprisingly enough my pain was plenty to override my anxiety.
So here's how it went.... First of all going to the Dr. is more of a elimination of what's not wrong with you than anything. And when your symptoms are Belly pain there's not a whole lot to go on. Part one of the exam was a great deal of pushing on the Belly to see if we can make it hurt more than it already does... thanks that was a success. Step two was to eliminate the possibility that I may be pregnant (but I husband eliminated that possibility almost 5 years ago, so short of a miracle from above I could of ruled that one out myself) Also peeing in the little cup, which is oh so fun, ensured me and Dr. that I didn't have the UTI from HELL! Next up on the list was to send me across town to get an x-ray and blood test. I have to say the blood lady, was AWESOME, ya hear that Kami, Your Awesome! I didn't feel a thing. And I didn't feel a thing for the x-ray either. Then back to the Dr. to read the result.....

So here on the wall hanging were my insides for all the world to see. "See these white spots, they are air (otherwise known as gas), see these masses all over the rest of the area its..." Let's just stop right there, and put it in words that even the simplest minds can understand, and my kids got the biggest laugh out of. I'm full of poo... I mean I could see last years Thanksgiving Turkey in there. By golly, how much can one intestinal tract hold? Then comes the fix- it prescription:
One tablespoon of mineral oil 2 times daily for 2 days... then 2 bottles of Magnesium Citrate on the 3rd day... and hold on tight and don't be running a lot of errands that day!
I'm kind of excited for that third day, I'm pretty sure the gum I swallowed in the 2nd grades gonna resurface!
Anyway, thanks to all of you who care about me and made me go to the Doctor. And I'm glad that no one guessed Compacted Bowel... because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want whats coming out!