I haven't wanted to write lately because I didn't feel like I've had anything to say. My emotions have been all over the place, and July left me exhausted. I feel sort of void of all emotion. I'm not angry, or sad, or happy... I'm just blah. And blah is certainly not a feeling I've wanted to have. I'm just so tired of trying to make myself be normal again... and I don't want to be upset about anything, I have that nagging feeling I don't have the right to by upset that "what the hells wrong with you, nothings wrong with you stop being such a baby," kind of feeling, but yet I feel crappy anyway. My whole summer just wasted away, and I didn't even really get out and do anything, at all. And I try not to feel sorry for myself, but sometimes I feel over whelmed by the whole entire year we've had. I think I'm still playing catch up for months of not expressing my feelings about how sucky the whole thing was, and now when I should be so over it, it's hitting me. Every time I think about our home, or our old life, I feel mistreated by fate. Like we have started completely over.... and everything we had, we don't have any more... and then on top of it I start feeling guilty for still being upset because there are so many people that have dealt with so much more, so I'm left feeling absolutely nothing. NOTHING!
Then something as stupid as a movie trailer, a song, a commercial sends me for an emotional loopity loop. I don't know whats normal, but I'm ready for some of it.